Writing is a bad mother (shut your mouth)

With apologies to Isaac Hayes for that title, writing really can be a pain in the ass. As many of my friends know, I was recently wed (about six weeks ago), and my bride and I find ourselves in the unenviable position of living in different area and ZIP codes (those of you who are thinking "She has no idea how good she's got it..."--shut your mouth). To make the time apart more palatable, and to keep me from driving her crazy, she has gently recommended that I start writing blog pieces again--at least one per week. Not that either of us (well, actually, me) think that what I write will interest anyone other than myself, but it may make for a good creative outlet.

So I am faced with the age-old dilemma: of what shall I write? Back in 2008, I wrote about politics, simply because it was easy fodder. But right now I am tired of all the sniping and bickering and just wish the hell Obama had called the pussy Dems onto the carpet when he had both houses and just ramrodded his programs through. He didn't, and now we are paying the price. So politics is too annoying to think about.

Sports. Hmmm...I used to follow sports a lot more closely than I do now. Now it, like politics, is pretty much all about the accumulation of wealth--greedy players fighting with greedier owners about money that those of us who should have more sense keep funneling into their coffers. Seat licenses...really?

Economics? Well, that is something I am no expert at, but that certainly doesn't stop a lot of the loudmouths who work out (even if it is only their jaws) at the gym that I do from pontificating on it--whether or not they have any idea of the difference between a consumption tax and a sales tax. ("It's a tax, goddamit it! It's evil!") And if I hear one more person who normally sings the praises of capitalism bitch about the rising cost of gas....I guess unrestrained capitalism is good only when it benefits you, eh?

Damn, I sound like a crotchety old man. But now that I have gotten a fair amount of bitching out of my system--for tonight, anyway--perhaps that will clear the air (or my system) and enable me to figure out (I had originally typed "ascertain" but for some reason changed it, then felt compelled to explain it...) about that which I shall write (no apologies to Churchill there).

If you read this, I am thankful. If you don't, you will be.

Dehumanizing Technology

I remember at one time watching a TV show about a people who believed that taking photographs of them stole their souls. It was one of those Twilight Zone-type shows; the rub of it was, when the photos were developed (yes, kids, there was a time when photos were taken on film that had to be developed), the people whose photos had been secretly taken (members of a warrior tribe of some sort) came to life and attacked the person/people who had "stolen" them.

This came to mind as I was going through a tote of photographs I have taken or received over the years. As I sorted through countless pictures of tailgates and forest scenes and wondering why I had felt those moments significant enough to capture on film, I started thinking about the whole concept of photography and its effect on our humanity. (Pretty heady stuff for a snow day, I realize.)

Wikipedia will tell you that the concept of photography has been around since ancient times, but that the first permanent photograph was produced around 1826--less than 200 years ago. Not very long given the expanse of human history. That prompted me to wonder--how did we as people preserve memories--images--of the people and things we cared about prior to that?

Well, the wealthy sat for professional portrait painters, and others painted scenes that would be preserved for as long as their canvases lasted. But what about the rest of the people? How did they preserve memories? The shockingly simple answer is they talked and they remembered. They shared stories and descriptions of others who had come before them. While these may not have been as acutely accurate as a photograph, they placed an image in their minds that would not easily be erased.

And today? Hey, grab a photo on your cell phone and e-mail it to grandma. Sure as hell beats visiting her and listening to her ramble on, doesn't it?

Alpha-Numerics

No, I am not talking about the various combinations of letters and numbers that are so common in today's binary world. Rather, I am referring to the attempted translation of mathematical concepts into plain English. For example, during the Packers-Eagles game going on right now, the Packers fumbled and then recovered the fumble for a first down. Troy Aikman was relating the fact that the Packers had a +10 turnover margin--that is, they have recovered more fumbles and made more interceptions (10 more, actually) than they were guilty of committing. He then went on to say that their ratio was one of the best in the league.

Hold on a second, Troy. Margin and ratio are two completely different things. Let's look at the two and see why. If you have 20 takeaways and 10 giveaways, you have a +1o margin and a 2:1 ratio. However, if you have 40 takeaways and 30 giveaways, you still have a +10 margin, but your ratio has been reduced to 3:2, or 1.5:1. What you meant to say, sir, is that they margin is one of the best in the league; we have no idea if their ratio is unless you tell us the hard numbers behind it.

It's all in how you slice it.

Happy Penultimate Day

One of the highlights of Interstitial Week is--of course--Penultimate Day. For those of you unfamiliar with the word, "penultimate," in its adjectival form, means next to the last (dictionary.com). Hence, under our current calendar system (which has been around for awhile and is probably not going away anytime soon), December 30 is the next to the last day of the year--Penultimate Day.

How does one celebrate Penultimate Day? Well, one really doesn't. About the only time anyone notices the penultimate of anything is when there are only two beers left in the fridge (grab one, stash the other, send someone on a beer run) or when there are two pieces of pizza remaining (be sure to grab the larger one). Also, those of you who have or had infants may have noticed when you got to the penultimate diaper.

However you celebrate (or not) this Penultimate Day, be sure to make it an almost good one!

Brother Richard Gilman Retiring

For my last four years in Indianapolis, I served as public relations director for a pair of organizations, the Independent Colleges of Indiana and the Independent Colleges of Indiana Foundation. Our membership consisted of the two- and four-year nonprofit independent (private) colleges in the state.

A great privilege of working with these organizations was getting to know the terrific men and women who lead the 31 member institutions. Today's South Bend Tribune profiles one of them: the retiring president of Holy Cross College here in South Bend, Brother Richard Gilman. A soft-spoken man with a very clear vision, Br. Richard transformed Holy Cross from a college for students who didn't get into Notre Dame or Saint Mary's into a respected educational institution in its own right.

Enjoy your retirement, Br. Richard--although I have a sneaking suspicion that your idea of retirement means merely giving up an office.

Interstitial Week

One of my favorite words, which first came to my attention back in the early '90s, is interstitial. The merriam-webster.com definition of interstitial is "relating to or situated in the interstices." Taking that a step back, the same source's definition (well, one of them, anyway) of interstice is "a short space of time between events." Those events, at least in my neck of the woods, would be the religious-cum-retail holiday of Christmas and the "we need another excuse to party" holiday of New Year's.

Interstitial week has always been interesting everywhere I have worked. It's the time a lot of people take off to burn extra vacation or PTO time that they might otherwise lose--yes, I have been guilty of such an offense in the past, I freely admit. It's also a time when those coworkers who do come in seem to relax a bit and be a bit more casual in their approach to their jobs. There are always exceptions, of course--some people are just wound too tightly to ever really relax, and I do have a few of them around me in my current workplace this week.

Whether you are working or not over the next few days, I wish you a Happy Interstitial Week. Don't work too hard.

Technology Trip-Ups

I am no Luddite, but I also feel that it is possible, especially in today's world, to be "too connected." Seriously--I don't really care when and where Kim Kardashian takes a dump. Until a few short weeks ago, my cell phone did three things: made calls, took calls, and allowed me to take an occasional picture. Recently, though, I changed phone companies, upgraded my plan, and now have a phone that actually texts (send and receives, by golly) and connects to the internet so I can blog, tweet, and update my Facebook status from, like, anywhere (you may now un-friend me if you like).

One thing I have always tried to stay current on, technologically, is music. Although I never got into 8-tracks (I was always a cassette guy--hated it when songs stopped, albeit temporarily, when tracks changed), I shed no tears when vinyl gave way to CDs and likewise as CDs give way to digital music players. First of all, I like the fact that I can have more music in less space (now I just need more time to listen to more music); secondly, my ear and playback equipment is not so finely attuned that I notice any drop-off in sound quality among digital formats.

(Note: Momentum lost in blogging due to FB conversation with friend from high school. Technology does have its merits most days.)

OK, where was I? Technology and music. Awhile back, I decided I really needed to have a portable music player--you know, one of those newfangled little pocket-size gizmos that can carry the entire music collection of the campus radio station I worked at in college. So I got a Zune--yes, the evil empire Microsoft version. Not a nano or shuffle or anything like that--even though we use Macs at work, I am still a PC guy, and, really, I don't listen to it enough to justify the cost of the Apple versions. One of the reasons is I don't like sticking those buds in my ears; I prefer the outside-the-ears headphones. I never wear one when I am running (indoors or out) or working out, although it is handy when mowing the lawn.

So another thing I did was upgrade the music player in the car. The former one was 10 years old (the car itself is 12--hey, it's a Honda) and was skipping on CDs, so I got a good deal (of course) on a new Pioneer. And this one has, of all things, an input for an mp3 player. So last night I decided to load all of my Christmas music on the Zune for my drive down to the Indianapolis area for the holidays. Wouldn't you know it--no matter how much I tried, I could not get the Zune to sync up with the computer. I plugged the cable into every USB port available, went online to troubleshoot--you name it. I was confounded. Then I remembered I had another USB cable somewhere. I found it, changed it, and, lo and behold! (I love that saying), the damn thing synched perfectly. (OK, Apple lovers--you may stop laughing anytime.)

So if there is a moral anywhere to be found, I guess it would be--when technology fails, start with the little things first. In our world of nanotechnology, the fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in our microcircuitry.